Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Breathe

Great video from Erasure. The little match girl...


Erasure - Breathe

Wildboy | MySpace Video

Oh My God, I Suck!!

There was a time not so long ago that I would be in line on release day to pick up the next big Nintendo game! Apparently I'm getting old and forgetful. Metroid: Other M was released today on the Nintendo Wii and I totally forgot about it. What the fuck? I could be playing some space bounty hunter goodness but instead I'm sitting here at home listening to music and hanging out on Facespace! Boo.



This shit is really cool. Finally a true sequel to Super Metroid. The opening cinema details events in the classic Super Nintendo game. What's more sad than forgetting that one of my favorite series of games came out today? The fact that I probably won't be buying it anytime soon...

Tattoo Revisited

Well I decided against the "Felicia" tattoo while I was in Vegas. I actually ended up getting "YOUR MOM" on my left shoulder! Just kidding. I found a tattoo parlor downtown and scoped out pricing, around 100 bucks. At the time I was too drunk to have it done, I didn't want to bleed out, though I still believe that's some kind of urban legend. I mean how often do you hear stories about people getting tattoos while drunk? The next couple of days I was sober and I didn't have the balls to get it done, and I didn't want to part with at least 100 dollars.

Perhaps I'll get one in the near future, or I'll continue to talk myself out of it forever. I did have a submission, of sorts for the font. My friend Eric gave me some cool lettering in Chinese that was supposed to mean Felicia but I figured the Asian symbols are out of style these days, along with tribal tattoos.

Someday... Maybe.

Top Chef: Concession Stand

I just caught the episode from last week of Top Chef: DC this morning. A bit bland but not a bad episode over all. I think the quality of the show has improved as we near the finale but it still isn't nearly as good as other seasons.

Quick fire challenge: choose a food idiom to inspire a dish. Kind of cool, I guess. After an hour cooking Kevin (bring home the bacon) and Ed (hot potato) are determined to have the best dishes by guest chef Rick Moonen. Kelly (sour grapes) and Amanda (the big cheese) finish in the bottom. Ed wins the challenge and will have his dish featured by Schwan's home delivery service. Interesting. I actually laughed out loud when Padma said this was the quick fire challenge prize.

Elimination challenge: create a fine dining version of ballpark food at National's stadium. The challenge consisted of each member working as a team and presenting six dishes. Ed and Tiffany have the best dishes and Ed wins with his shrimp and corn risotto fritters. Everyone left is judged together and Amanda is sent home due to her yellowfin tuna tartar. For his elimination challenge win, Ed received a copy of Moonen's latest book and a trip to Australia!! Wow. G'day Ed.

Other observations:

Yellow really isn't Ed's color. And if he's going to parade around in a dress he really needs to manscape. I guess he can do what he wants since he won the quick fire and elimination challenge this week.

I love how Kelly continues to dump on Amanda's skills yet she finishes in the bottom of both challenges this week. Classy.

I like that Angelo prays to the chef gods. At least he's not Muslim!

Well there was a big to do about nothing on who would take charge and expedite food at the National's stadium. I think Angelo is right, Kevin needs to chill the fuck out and try to be more positive. I bet he's a lot of fun to work with in a busy kitchen.

I hope the ball players washed their hands before feeding each other. Gay.

Did anyone else have the impression that Angelo has a mail order bride in Russia?

Next on Top Chef: NASA food.

My "Bye Felicia" award this week goes to Amanda. I figured she was hitting the road based on how the episode was presented. Tuna tartar sounds good but I would probably balk at eating it if the color was off. Amanda, bye Felicia!

Next chef out: this is getting tough to call. I'm going to pick Kelly since she really, really gets on my nerves.

Could It Be, Satan?

From the Jokelahoman:

"An organization claiming to be 'the only legal satanic church in Oklahoma' is hosting an event at the Civic Center Music Hall in October that will include a 'public satanic exorcism.'"

He he. That giant boom sound you're hearing in Oklahoma City is probably the collective echo of Christian heads exploding! Kudos to the Civic Center for not discriminating when they lease space at their facilities.

Personally I think a satanic church is just as crazy as a "grandfather figure in the sky" church. As one reader pointed out in the comments section of the story, "at least they're not Muslim!" Ah that made my day...

So today's question is this: does anyone out there belong to a church similar to this one or know someone who does? If so I would be fascinated to hear what it's like. I'm actually very intersted in various religions and their goofy practices.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Random Las Vegas(ness)

Well I'm back to reality today, i.e. work. The worst thing about taking a trip or vacation for me is usually having to come back and go to work.

Some highlights of the trip:

These cremecicle frozen concoctions from a place called The Bayou downtown were "the debil!" We shared two of them, paying a little more for additional alcohol. I got tore up Thursday night (of course some Fat Tire and Newcastle helped me along too). I was so drunk that I don't remember the journey from Four Queens to bed at The Golden Nugget. Thursday night was my only really drunk night in Vegas, man I must be getting old.

Dann and I found some showgirls/hookers but I was unwilling to pony up 40 dollars for an "around the world" so a picture had to do...

Stopped by an oxygen bar, something I would never waste money on sober. I didn't really figure out what the oxygen was supposed to do but the girl running the kiosk was really nice and the massage devise was actually pretty cool.

Awesome tampon exhibit at City Center! We had to take the "tram to nowhere" to find it.

What I thought should be a gay man's "toy" store actually turned out to be a book store. Whatever.

My brother, the master of terrible pictures! Sure he got the sign but the ants below it is me, Dann, and J. In his defense, my camera is a little old. The Hard Rock Hotel & Casino was actually pretty cool. Not only was the music better than most casinos but my sister-in-law and J. cleaned up playing Black Jack Switch.

Apparently Godzilla got so drunk downtown the night before she slipped out of her heel and left it behind!

Seeing J. again was one of the highlights of the trip! 17 days until the next adventure.

Okay, I'm done boring everyone with pictures. Favorite story time! J. and I went to the upstairs patio bar at the Golden Nugget called Gold Diggers on Friday night. Great environment with a second story out door patio overlooking Fremont Street. What was especially charming about our short time here was the extremely nice girl we met from Denver. She staggered up to the bar to order drinks and apparently felt it was necessary to flash her tits to get service. She got service pretty quick I must say! That's what I love about Vegas, how often do you see that kind of shit in Oklahoma City? Fuckin' Vegas!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Majorly Personal Meme, Part Two

Once again, stolen from Sunday Stealing!!

Cheers to all of us thieves!

21. If you were to live your life without your best friend, what would change?
It would be awkward since I'm my own best friend. The only person I can totally rely on is myself. Though life without Kim would be unbearable and void of any substance.

22. Tell us about an era of your life that you really miss.
My 20's. I totally missed the boat on taking advantage of my youth.

23. Have you ever been betrayed by someone that came as a complete surprise? Without revealing the person, if yes, tell us about it.
Not really, human nature never surprises me.

24. Do you ever think that it is a good idea to hide your feelings?
Absolutely! People never really want to know what you're feeling anyways. If they say otherwise they lie.

25. Tell us about your favorite year when you were a student.
I'm not sure what this is referencing. Off the top of my head, the year I dropped out of college, that worked out really well...

25. When was the last time you were in a very good mood? What caused it?
I was in a really good mood Thursday afternoon. I had been waiting for more than a month for that feeling.

26. Have you ever had a romantic relationship with a sibling of a good friend?
No but I would totally do your brother (or sister)!

27. Tell us about the last thing that you did that you truly regret.
I'm over regrets, life is too short. If I had to pick one thing it would be my most recent jail experience, I regret all the money I paid to Oklahoma county.

28. When did you laughed today?
I laugh all the time, usually at others, but often at myself.

29. Do you trust easily?
Nope. People pretty much suck, and I'm totally down with that, but I don't trust as a result of this revelation.

30. What do you care about that you wish more people would?
The invasive nature of religion in our culture and political establishment.

31. Is it easier for you to go without food or go without sleep?
Not sure, I do both, often.

32. What non-alcohol beverage do you enjoy drinking the most?
Water or Dr. Pepper.

33. When you walk into a room full of strangers, generally how is your confidence?
Depends on the current group of d-bags in the particular room.

34. Does talking about sex with anyone but your lover make you uncomfortable?
No, I like it dirty.

35. Do you tend to believe members of the opposite sex mostly behave the same way?
Yeah, emotional and illogical.

36. Did you drink any alcohol this week? If yes, what?
Good lord, I just got back from Vegas! Rum, beer, and vodka to name a few.

37. Would you ever consider being a vegetarian?
I would and I have. I seldom eat red meat but I don't think I could give up seafood.

38. Do you believe that there’s always room in your heart for someone?
Always, it just never works out.

39. Do you believe in the concept of soul mates?
Maybe, I'll let you know when I find one.

40. Last week, we had a few players criticize our victim’s questions. Which is fine to do and we value your opinion. Would you ever consider writing questions for Bud and me to post on a Sunday Stealing?
I would but my questions probably wouldn't be appropriate for all the mommy bloggers out there.

Rumors

The rumors of my demise have been greatly exaggerated! I've been in Vegas since Thursday. I did take the laptop with me in hopes of writing a blog post or two but I ended up never even firing up the thing until the return trip this morning at the airport. There was too much gambling and drinking to be had.

I had a great trip, caught up with some family that I haven't seen in over a year, won enough money to play and eat as much as I wanted, and brought some money back home!

For now, I'm taking Sunday off for some much needed rest. Cheers!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West (Revisited)

"When Dorothy triumphed over the Wicked Witch of the West in L. Frank Baum's classic tale, we heard only her side of the story. But what about her arch-nemesis, the mysterious Witch? Where did she come from? How did she become so wicked? And what is the true nature of evil?

Gregory Maguire crates a fantasy world so rich and vivid that we will never look at Oz the same way again.
"Wicked" is about a land where animals talk and strive to be treated like first-class citizens, Munchkinlanders seeks the comfort of middle-class stability, and the Tin Man becomes a victim of domestic violence. And then there is the little green-skinned girl named Elphaba, who will grow up to become the infamous Wicked Witch of the West, a smart, prickly, and misunderstood creature who challenges all our preconceived notions about the nature of good and evil."

Not having anything to read at work this week, I started reading "Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West." This is the second time I've read this novel by Gregory Maguire in a little less than a year. The original post on my first reading can be found here. I'm not really interested in rehashing what I thought of the book, but I would be interested in getting feedback from others who have read the story.

Warning. Spoilers abound below.

Some points for discussion:

  • Obviously we know where Elphaba acquires her green skin color, from the "miracle elixir" given to her mother by the Wizard. What was never revealed or was clear to me was Elphaba's aversion or allergy to water which ultimately caused her accidental death by Dorothy Gale. Thoughts or theories?
  • What is the significance of the Clock of the Time Dragon? Did it predict or did it shape events in the novel? In the beginning of the story the Clock characterized Frex as "a publicly pious man, with lamb's wool beard and dark curly locks, who preached simplicity, poverty, and generosity while keeping a hidden coffer of gold and emeralds - in the double-hinged bosom of a weak-chinned daughter of blue blood society." (Page 17) As I see it this portrayal of Frex is only half correct, removing the bit about him hording treasures. What does this say of the Clock and it's further revelations, especially toward the end of the novel?
  • Were Crope and Tibbett gay? "And Crope brought Fiyero along and introduced him, which frosted Tibbett for a week or so until the evening that Fiyero said, in his shy formal way, 'of course - I have been married for some time. We marry young in the Vinkus.'" (Page 147)
  • What the hell was going on in the Philosophy Club? (Page 164) The group is involved in some sort of group sexual encounter which ultimately scars Tibbett in some manner in what I could later only deduce was some sort of sexually transmitted disease.
  • What of Elphaba? Her death seems very certain at the end of the story but what of her significance? Was her life a series of failures? Was she truly wicked near the end or an unfortunate participant of bad luck?

I enjoyed my second reading of "Wicked" much more than the first time, though I view it as a tragic and unhappy tale. I was released from the impression that the book would be exactly like the musical, which I saw before reading the source material. An interesting retelling of the "Wizard of Oz" story that I would highly recommend as well as the two other books in the series, "Son of a Witch" and "A Lion Among Men."

Monday, August 23, 2010

Top Ten Reasons That Beer Is Better Than Jesus

1. No one will kill you for not drinking beer.
2. Beer doesn't tell you how to have sex.
3. They don't force beer on minors who cannot think for themselves.
4. Beer has never caused a major war.
5. When you have a beer you don't knock on people's doors trying to give it away.
6. Nobody has ever been burned at the stake, hanged or tortured over a beer.
7. You don't have to wait 2000 years for a second beer.
8. There are laws saying beer labels cannot lie to you.
9. You can prove you have a beer.
10. If you are devoted to beer then there are groups who can help you stop.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Majorly Personal Meme, Part One

Stolen from Sunday Stealing.

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Are you happier now than you were five months ago?
Most definitely.

2. Have you ever slept in the same bed with anyone that you shouldn't have?
Yeah, but it's been a while.

3. Can you sleep in total darkness?
That would be my preference.

4. Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for, the one who got away, what do you say?
Nothing, I hardly ever answer my phone so he would be shit out of luck.

5. What do you think about the weather this summer?
I think it's hotter than Africa's asshole.

6. How many people do you trust with everything?
None.

7. What was the last thing you drank?
Water.

8. Is there anyone you want to come see you?
Yes and he is in September.

9. Name one thing you love about winter?
I love a sunny, crisp, cold winter days with no wind.

10. Have you ever dated a Goth?
No but I totally brake for them when driving.

11. What are you looking forward to tomorrow?
Brunch and some Sunday Funday!

12. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having?
I'm having a ooze on the sofa like Jabba the Hut kind of day and it's really pissing me off that there isn't anything on television.

13. What's the longest that you have committed to one person and one person only?
10 years.

14. What’s the first thing you did when you opened your eyes today?
Closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

15. Has anyone ever told you they never want to ever lose you?
Yes but probably not in those exact words.

16. Is there anybody that you wish you could fix your relationship with?
Not really. It will either evolve or not. Life is too short.

17. Could you go out in public, looking like you do now?
Probably not, wild hair, tee shirt and boxers.

18. Do you think things will change in the next 3 months? How?
I would like to think so but probably not.

19. Do you believe that you never know what you got until you lose it?
Yeah, isn't that how it always goes?

20. Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
Absolutely, a couple of them.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Five Question Friday

I have nothing to blog about today so I thought I would participate in "Five Question Friday" from My Little Life. Yeah it's kind of a mommy blog, but hey, not all mommies are bad, right? So here goes:

1. Do you have any nicknames and if so how did it come about?
My family nickname is Pooh or Pooh Bear. I believe my brother was five when I was born and he remarked that I was so fat I looked like Winnie the Pooh. To this day nearly everyone in my family calls me Pooh (keep in mind I'm 37 years old)! In fact my niece calls me Uncle Pooh and my great niece calls me Uncle Boo (she's not quite two).

2. What is your birth order amongst your siblings?
My sister (50's), my brother (40's), and then me (37). I'm the baby and of course, the favorite (at least I should be).

3. In a movie of your life, who would play your significant other?
This is an odd question. First of all the movie would be very boring, secondly I would want Chris Pine but probably get cast with Jack Black (ewww)!

4. What is currently your favorite song?
Hmmm, hard to say. My currently favorite song, that has been recently released would have to be "I Love the Way You Lie" by Eminem featuring Rihanna. Favorite song of all time would be something by Fleetwood Mac or Shiny Toy Guns.

5. Are you saving your money for anything right now? Big or small purchase?
Saving money to go to Vegas next Thursday and if all goes well I'll be saving for a trip to Chicago in October.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Tillman Story


Looks interesting. In limited release August 20th.

Top Chef: CIA

The episode of Top Chef: DC was actually kind of bland and drama free for a change.

Quick fire challenge: create a dish from ingredients from a mystery box. Throughout the challenge new boxes with additional ingredients will appear. All of the ingredients from each box must be used. At stake is 10 thousand dollars. In each box:
  1. Rock fish, fava beans, and canned hominy.
  2. Squid and black garlic.
  3. Ramps and passion fruit.
  4. Jicama.

Alex and Amanda are in the bottom (big surprise) with Tiffany and Kevin producing the best dishes. Tiffany wins the challenge and the money.

Elimination challenge: create a new identity for a classic dish. The winner receives a trip to Paris. After shopping and prep, the contestants are taken to CIA headquarters to cook for several guests who work for the organization including Director Panetta. In the bottom are Alex, Amanda, and Angelo. The most successful dishes were made by Tiffany, Kelly, and Ed. Tiffany wins the competition and a the trip to Paris while Alex is sent home (goodbye creepy, thank you Jeebus!).

Random thoughts on the episode:

Has anyone cooked with ramps before? I don't even know what they are!

Kevin needs to shut the fuck up about the other contestants, namely Alex, and concentrate on his own cooking. It really, really gets on my nerves when other contestants whine about who shouldn't be around. It's petty and unflattering. It's OK for me to do it because I am petty and unflattering!

It looks like Angelo may not be the man of steel after all.

This is the second time in the competition that Tiffany has won a quick fire challenge and an elimination challenge on the same show. She seems to be getting better as the competition progresses, maybe she'll be the one to beat, she's certainly setting the pace.

I thought it was cool of Tiffany to help Kelly finish plating her dishes in the elimination challenge.

Directory Panetta was called away in the middle of judging the elimination challenge. He probably had to oversee a coup somewhere in South America.

Kelly has never cooked Chinese. Really?

Next week on Top Chef: concession stand food. Sounds fun. Looks like Kevin is still on his little tirade.

My "Bye Felicia" award this week goes to guest judge Wylie Dufresne. Shave and a haircut two bits! Wylie Dufresne, bye Felicia!

Next chef out: Amanda most likely. While she doesn't get on my nerves as much as the majority of the other contestants, her skills are probably the worst of the six remaining.

Two of my top four that I predicted in the first week are still alive in the competition, Angelo and Kevin. To see the original post, click here.

Lame recap this week, I know. The jackasses on the show didn't give me much to work with on this episode!

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

8 More Days Until Vegas!

Eight days from now I'll be in a Black Jack, alcohol induced coma!!


It would be good odds to bet that I won't be hanging out at the Glitter Gulch. I've only been to two titty bars in my entire life, once being in New Orleans, I'm still emotionally scarred from that one...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

New Metroid: Other M Video



It's looking pretty sweet, hopefully Nintendo and Team Ninja won't let all us Metroid fanboys down! Look for a release on August 31st for the Nintendo Wii.

My Horizontal Life

I read Chelsea Handler's book "My Horizontal Life (A Collection of One-Night Stands)" in just about one sitting at work yesterday, that's how busy I am. It's the second book by Handler and I enjoy her writing very much. The book is a collection of short chapters detailing her adventures in the bedroom from childhood (catching her parents in the act) to her late 20's. From her web page:

"In this raucous collection of true-life stories, actress and comedian Chelsea Handler recounts her time spent in the social trenches with that wild, strange, irresistible, and often gratifying beast: the one-night stand. You've either done it or know someone who has: the one-night stand, the familiar outcome of a night spent at a bar, sometimes the sole payoff for your friend's irritating wedding, or the only relief from a disastrous vacation. Often embarrassing and uncomfortable, occasionally outlandish, but most times just a necessary and irresistible evil, the one-night stand is a social rite as old as sex itself and as common as a bar stool. Enter Chelsea Handler. Gorgeous, sharp, and anything but shy, Chelsea loves men and lots of them. My Horizontal Life chronicles her romp through the different bedrooms of a variety of suitors, a no-holds-barred account of what can happen between a man and a sometimes very intoxicated, outgoing woman during one night of passion. From her short fling with a Vegas stripper to her even shorter dalliance with a well-endowed little person, from her uncomfortable tryst with a cruise ship performer to her misguided rebound with a man who likes to play leather dress-up, Chelsea recalls the highs and lows of her one-night stands with hilarious honesty. Encouraged by her motley collection of friends (aka: her partners in crime) but challenged by her family members (who at times find themselves a surprise part of the encounter), Chelsea hits bottom and bounces back, unafraid to share the gritty details. My Horizontal Life is one guilty pleasure you won't be ashamed to talk about in the morning."

Laugh out loud funny at times, Handler has a knack for telling stories in a humorous and honest way. I think it would be a hoot to hang out with Handler and her crazy assortment of friends. Obviously the book contains strong sexual references and details about heavy alcohol use and some drug use. If this isn't your cup of tea, read "Little Women." A quick and entertaining read (for me) that I recommend.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Wichita Trip

Hanging out with Kim is always an adventure. Through the years we've been known to sleep in cars off the Turnpike, throw up on people in bars, get totally shit canned at work in front of our employees, and suffer through many pericardial thumps and kidney punches. Road trips are epic. I got Kim tickets to Dave Matthews Band in May for her birthday and she was kind enough to give me the extra ticket to the show on Saturday night.

We set out around noon for Wichita, Kansas on Saturday and survived Kim's driving on I-35. It's no exaggeration when I say she can reach speeds up to 100 miles an hour. Obviously we made good time but I aged a few years on the drive up and back. I got a room at a pretty decent Holiday Inn near downtown and only a few blocks from the INTRUST Bank Arena where Dave would be playing. After a grueling walk downtown in 100 degree weather we stopped off at Club Rain for some eats and drinks before the show.

Downtown Wichita.

I enjoy Dave Matthews but I'm what you would call a casual fan. I know some of his hits but I'm not versed in all his songs and albums to the extent Kim is. She's a crazy roadie fan who has followed Dave to 21 different concerts. You know the people that throw their panties on the stage at a singer? That's Kim when it comes to Dave Matthews. This concert for me was a bit of a disappointment, they pretty much just play whatever songs they want and it always changes from location to location. In Wichita I only was familiar with a couple of songs. Naturally Kim knew everything that was being played. I just hoped for some more of the "hits."

Kim and I all dolled up for the show!

Our view of the stage from the cheap seats.

Since our tickets were literally at the top of the arena, we decided to try to find better empty or unused seats closer to the stage about halfway through the concert. We were finally able to find seats at the lower level with a great view of the stage without being run off by an usher. This is where the evening took an interesting turn. For some reason when I'm out and about, usually at clubs, out of town, I have the good fortune of attracting crazy people to me (just ask Dann about the airline attendant in Tulsa). This night would be no exception. The fellow sitting next to me in our newly acquired seats was either extremely drunk or maybe on XTC, not to mention probably the biggest screaming queen in all of Kansas. Apparently his gaydar went off because the guy proceeded to accost me for the remainder of the concert by trying to hold my hand, grab my ass, and kiss me! I really tried to be nice but I finally had to become somewhat aggressive myself and tell the guy that it would not be my preference to get gay bashed in Kansas due to his unseemly behavior. The concert finally ended and Kim and I made our escape back to Club Rain for more drinks and dancing.

Dance, drink, repeat.


Another great trip with my buddy Kimberly. I look forward to our next adventure!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Ladybugs' Picnic



Does anyone remember this from Sesame Street? I think it's adorable. When Kim and I were driving back home today she was telling me about her daughter's ladybug themed birthday party (I still think she should skip it and join me in Vegas but whatever).

Revenge of the Minutes, Wichita, KS

Disclaimer: there is quite a bit of raunchy language in this post so if you have a problem with it, blow me...

From another blog posting:

"When I worked at Old Chicago bartending I used to grab drinks with Matt, Cris, and Regina often, especially after a lunch shift. This is how I came to know "the minutes." For some reason Cris or Regina used to keep a log of the day's activities. Activities being what was happening and what we discussed while we drank. It could be quite humorous to go back another day and read what was written from a day/night out drinking."

Now that we're reacquainted with the minutes, here's what Kim and I took while in Wichita to see Dave Matthews:

Wich-i-titty trip to DMB 8-14-2010

2:59 - 224 non-smoking room? Oops 324 is our room! Elevator exit, aroma of reefer!
3:00 - Lotion smells like butt
3:50 - "You make me want to smoke!"
4:10 - Conversation:
D: Come to Vegas with me!
K: I have my baby's birthday, I can't.
D: Fuck her!
4:20 - Schleeves
4:32 - Kim has Downs head
4:36 - Kim is a MIULF - mom I used to like to fuck
4:46 - Kim's gash gets around according to Satan aka McConnell
5:04 - Kim spends her money on BBB - bills, beer, and baby
5:05 - In reference to a certain gash: dead carp and stinky cheese
5:21 - Is everyone white in Kansas?
5:21 - Animal hair. David's saxophone move
5:30 - David sniffs me, I said it's not me, it's that guy - David - it smells like burnt wolf
5:36 - We're kind of a big deal
5:45 - The real Housewives of Wichititty


Sorry kids, this is all we could muster on our little Holiday Inn notepad. I'd like to say that we got tired of taking the minutes but I think the Fat Tire beers finally caught up to us!

More adventures in Wichita to follow.

Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Crafty Fifty Meme, Part Two

Stolen from Sunday Stealing.

Cheers to all of us thieves!

26. What do you normally smell like?
Cetaphil soap or lotion, smoke, alcohol, and/or Escape by Calvin Klein.

27. Do you like Carrie Underwood?
Meh, not really.

28. Been to “The Vegas”?
Many, many times, in fact I'll be there again in 12 days!

29. How far away do you live from your parents?
A couple of miles. My brother escaped.

30. Are you happy with your job?
Not really but it does keep me in this lifestyle I'm accustomed to, broke all the time.

31. Where do you work and what do you do there?
A small medical software company. I do everything and anything that's needed of me.

32. What did you get in the mail today?
Nothing, yet.

33. How do you like your steak cooked?
Medium rare.

34. Britney Spears…is she back?
Where did she go?

35. What do you usually order at Taco Bell?
Mexican pizza.

36. Have you ever sat all the way through Gone With the Wind?
Yes, several times, it's an outstanding movie.

37. Have you ever been to Mt Rushmore?
Not yet but I would like to see it.

38. Is it just me, or was The Marine (w/John Cena) a really horrible movie?
I haven't seen it.

39. Are surveys like the cocaine of myspace?
Nietzche says MySpace is dead.

40. Where is your favorite place (that you have actually been to)?
Either Chicago or the mountains.

41. What is your favorite candle scent?
Not sure, using Macintosh Apple right now.

42. Do you believe places can really be haunted?
Not really.

43. Do you smoke cigarettes?
Way too many.

44. Have you ever been to NYC or LA?
I have been to L.A. but not to New York.

45. How many states have you been to where all you saw was the airport?
Not very many, maybe a couple.

46. Do you think 50 questions is enough?
I think it is, especially when you start asking about airports.

47. Are you currently planning a trip?
Yes, a couple. Vegas in a couple of weeks and Chicago in October.

48. Is Ryan Seacrest gay? Should anyone care?
Big nellie but I don't care and neither should you.

49. Do you take anti-depressants? Sleeping pills
No. I cannot swallow pills so anything I take has to be chewed or in liquid form.

50. What do you think about space travel?
Not a lot.

Kansas Road Trip!


Good morning popets! I'm almost packed for my adventure tonight in Wichita, Kansas, America, the World, the Universe. I'm heading up north with my doppelgänger, partner in crime, and bestie Kimmy to see Dave Matthews in concerts, again. This will be the third time Kim has dragged me to a DMB concert and it's her 21st time to see them! I think she likes this band.

Everyone have a wonderful weekend!

Friday, August 13, 2010

Kitchen Confidential

I've been quite a fan of Anthony Bourdain for some time, mostly from watching his show "No Reservations" on the Travel Channel. I've always wanted to read his book, "Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbelly," but for some reason I would never remember to pick it up at Boarders or I would pass it by. I finally purchased the book this week that made Bourdain a culinary star and it was on the buy one get one half off rack, bonus! From the cover:

"A deliciously funny, delectably shocking banquet of wild-but-true tales of life in the culinary trade from Chef Anthony Bourdain, laying out his more than a quarter-century of drugs, sex, and haute cuisine—now with all-new, never-before-published material."

First off, if you currently work or have ever worked in the restaurant industry you have to read this book. Everything he describes going on in a kitchen is undeniably true. So it wasn't just my experience that restaurants employ some of the most insane and bizarre fringe elements in society. It's a crazy half rock-n-roll half mercenary life style that made me long to sling drinks in a bar or expedite food on a kitchen line, eagerly waiting to close up the restaurant and finish the night with heavy excesses of all sort, getting up the next day to rinse and repeat.

The chapters not only consist of his crazy experiences with alcohol, drugs, sex and crazy characters, which is great, but he also details several other aspects of the restaurant industry. Some of these include what you should or should not eat in restaurants, a typical Friday night at his restaurant at Les Halles, the origins of his love for food, and some of his heroes in the profession over the years.

Bourdain is an excellent writer and the book is one of the best I've read this year in spite of being published in 2000. He definitely has a gift with vocabulary and a wonderful handle on every imaginable way to curse in conversation or at someone, a must needed skill when working in any kitchen. In spite of being a smartass, Bourdain is at heart, I think, a softy and, as he tells the reader, a sentimental guy. I look forward to reading some of his other books. My highest recommendation.

Perhaps in the near future I'll write up some the more obscene adventures I experienced over the years in Oklahoma City's culinary underbelly.

Next up, back to the world of Chelsea Handler.

Daily Dose of Stupid (4)

It's been a while since I've found a fun letter to the editor to quote from The Oklahoman. It's hard for me to use the name "The Oklahoman," I will always think of our paper as The Daily Oklahoman, aka The Wipe, aka The Daily Disappointment, aka The Daily Fishwrap. Idiot of the day:

I'm a legal American citizen who must show an ID when I'm pulled over by the police, buy something on my department store credit card, show up for my doctor's appointment or apply for a loan. I must show an ID when I buy insurance or a car tag, apply for college admission, cash a check, buy certain prescription drugs or get a boarding pass for an airline.

U.S. citizens are required to prove who we are nearly every day. Why should illegal immigrants be exempt? Why shouldn't we guard our borders as closely as other countries do? Why is our military fighting to protect other people around the world, when our own citizens are left vulnerable?

Name omitted to protect the stupid


I hate Oklahomans. I'm not sure exactly what the writer is getting at. I don't see how you can equate showing your ID to board a plane or cash a check is the same as presenting your ID randomly on the street when asked to do so by the Geheime Staatspolizei (the Gestapo or Arizona police). What's more, I can't believe so-called conservatives are behind this kind of invasion of privacy. Most likely because they, of the fairer skin, will not be harassed by this law.

The other point the asshat makes is about our military protecting the border. So I'm confused. Do the states want to have their own immigration laws or not? If they're so high on state's rights, why don't they take care of themselves? And to answer the writers final question, we are fighting two wars around the world because (1) we were attacked by groups of people organizing in Afghanistan, and (2) the American people were lied to to start a war in Iraq to find the phantom weapons of mass destruction.

The writer of the letter to the editor isn't a very good conservative Oklahoman! He wants the federal government to interfere with what states are doing and he's against the war on terror. Shocking!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Wicked NOH8

This is awesome! I love Wicked and plan on seeing it at least once more this year.


"The NOH8 Campaign is a photographic silent protest created by celebrity photographer Adam Bouska (http://www.bouska.net) and partner Jeff Parshley in direct response to the passage of Proposition 8. Photos feature subjects with duct tape over their mouths, symbolizing their voices being silenced by Prop 8 and similar legislation around the world, with "NOH8" painted on one cheek in protest."

Check out the website here.

Top Chef: Restaurant Wars!

Last night was the highly anticipated, at least for me, restaurant wars episode of Top Chef: DC and it was wild. Beware of the recap below, I'm not going to have very good things to say this week...

Quick fire challenge: same as last year, two teams of four members compete in a blindfolded relay of sorts. Each member in turn prepares one dish for the team while the other members are blinded to what is going on until it's their turn. Team Kevin, Kenny, Kelly, and Amanda beat out team Ed, Tiffany, Angelo, and Alex. Alex is blamed for over seasoning the fish, a blaming trend that will continue throughout the episode. The quick fire special guest judge was none other than Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, very, very cool.

Elimination challenge: restaurant wars!! The same teams (we'll call them team Angelo and team Kenny since they both took the lead of their teams) battle it out in a mock restaurant opening. Each team member has to prepare a dish for the restaurant while one member also is responsible for running the front of the house. Team Angelo delegates Alex to front of the house duties and pretty much doesn't let him do anything but prep work, all the while running around like crazy people, apparently highly unorganized. Team Kenny snickers at the other team, really confident that they have the competition in the bag with their calm, cool, and collected demeanor. Naturally team Kenny loses and the leader, Kenny, is sent home for basically making two of the worst dishes.

Thoughts on the episode:

I don't care what anyone says about Nancy Pelosi, I think she's a great Speaker. I believe she single-handedly saved Health Care Reform (such as it is) when Obama was about to give in and begin some major compromises. She's a great leader and exceptional vote getter and counter in the House.

Yes, yes, yes, we get it, Kenny's a beast. It's getting a little old but I guess we don't have to worry about hearing about it any longer.

Though I really don't like Alex, I have to say I kind of felt sorry for him this episode. He not only got dumped on by the opposing team but also his own team. I believe his own team should have let him fully prepare his own dish. If it turned out so terrible like they suspected it would be his ass on the line.

Alex directing the front of the house staff was a bit painful to watch. He was a complete Nazi, or so the Bravo editing monkeys would have you believe. If he was that snotty to me I would have walked out on his ass or taken my shitty wine key and shoved it in his eye.

The team restaurant names were once again stupid this year. Team 2121 wasn't nearly as cringe inducing as team EVOO (extra virgin olive oil). Insert eye roll here.

I'm really disappointed in all the asshattery that went on last night. No contestants endeared themselves to me with the shady way they all ganged up on Alex. Kenny was especially bad when he complained to the judges that it should have been Alex on the cutting block and not his team. Suck it up and own the terrible food you made cry baby. Kevin was also just as bad with his temper tantrum in the dry storage holding area. If I was Alex I would have slapped him in the face like the little bitch that he is. Even Tiffany, someone I was really starting to dig, was being a complete hag.

I think Amanda may be my current favorite contestant, how sick is that? By the way, what is that just above her upper lip? A beauty mark or a herpe? If it's a cold sore, how terrible to get to share that on national television!

Next week on Top Chef: cooking for Leon Panetta and the CIA. Could be fun.

My "Bye Felicia" award goes to all the chefs. They all deserve to be sent home for their general lack of professionalism and douschebaggery! Chefs, bye Felicia, it's your turn to be thrown under the bus.

Next chef out: most likely Alex but I'm to the point where I don't really care. I think I hate them all. In fact I think they should all whip up a batch of poisoned Flavor Aid and commit mass suicide...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

You Suck

I just finished the sequel to "Bloodsucking Fiends," called "You Suck (A Love Story)" by Christopher Moore. I was pleasantly surprised that the second novel in the trilogy was even better than the first. From the book cover:

"Being undead sucks. Literally.

Just ask C. Thomas Flood. Waking up after a fantastic night unlike anything he's ever experienced, he discovers that his girlfriend, Jody, is a vampire. And surprise! Now he's one, too. For some couples, the whole biting-and-blood thing would have been a deal breaker. But Tommy and Jody are in love, and they owe it to each other to work through their issues.

But word has it that the vampire who initially nibbled on Jody wasn't supposed to be recruiting. Even worse, Tommy's erstwhile turkey-bowling pals are out to get him, at the urging of a blue-dyed Las Vegas call girl named (duh) Blue.

And that really sucks."


Again, I was really surprised how much I liked this novel. Now I'm going to have to find the latest and last entry to the saga. Moore once again, and better this time, provides humorous and off the wall storytelling with an even more bizarre cast of characters. I especially like the introduction of Abby Normal (Allison), the high school goth chick who becomes Tommy and Jody's minion of the day. Some of the chapters in the book are based on her "dark" journal entries and they can be quite funny.

Definitely recommended. And hey, the back of the book says the Cleveland Plain Dealer likes it, how could you go wrong!

Five Horses

My dad emailed me the following joke. I thought it was pretty funny so I decided I would post it here:

A man asked an American Indian the name of his wife.
He replied, "She called Five Horses."
The man said, "That's an unusual name for your wife. What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian Name. It mean...
NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"


Dad also mentioned it should have been mom's name...

500th blog post! Amazing!

Monday, August 09, 2010

These Words

An old one but a good one from Natasha Bedingfield. I've had this song on my mind the last few days, I must have heard it somewhere lately...

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Tattoo


I've wanted a tattoo for a very long time but I never can decide what I want permanently etched on my body. A tattoo is forever, or at least until you pay to have it removed! I know I definitely want a Nintendo tattoo eventually but I can't narrow it down between something related to Mario, Zelda, or Metroid.

Putting Nintendo aside, I've decided that my first tattoo will be the name "Felicia," most likely on one of my upper arms. I only know one person named Felicia and the tattoo wouldn't be for her. The name is a catch all used all the time by me and many of my friends. Basically in any given night hanging out with my friends the phrases "Bye Felicia," "Hi Felicia," and "I love you, Felicia" can be heard with great frequency. Since I believe a tattoo should remind you of something fond, what better way to memorialize my closest friends with a word that will remind me of all of them. It sounds insane doesn't it?

There's been some debate on where using the name Felicia for everyone came from. I believe it came from the movie "Priscilla Queen of the Desert" but I just can't remember for certain.

Your mission, intrepid readers, is to help me come up with a design for the name Felicia. The picture above is in a Huxley Vertical font which I kind of like but I really want something original with pizazz and maybe in cursive. I have zero artistic talents so the chances I could design something myself is probably not an option. If anyone is interested in helping me in my tattoo quest, give me a link to a design in the comments section or email me at bitterdavesworld@gmail.com. Just think, you're suggestion or design could be seen on my sexy, though well fed exterior, forever!

Vegas Priceless

Flight and hotel to Vegas: $500ish
Gambling money for the trip: There's never enough
3500+ texts to J in the last month: Unlimited
Getting to finally see J's face again: Priceless

Yeah so I'm still really excited to go to Vegas! 18 days!

Saturday, August 07, 2010

I Love The Way You Lie

I'm not really a big Eminem fan but I'm really diggin' this song right now. Finally there's a video out for it.

The Crafty Fifty Meme, Part One

Stolen from Sunday Stealing.

Cheers to all of us thieves!

1. Introduce yourself.

"But on this most auspicious of nights, permit me then, in lieu of the more commonplace sobriquet, to suggest the character of this dramatis persona. VoilĂ ! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin van-guarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V." Just kidding, my name is David.

5. Did you ever get into a bar and drink before you were 21?
Tons starting at 18 on.

6. What countries have you been to?
Not many, Germany, Mexico, The Dominican Republic and of course the good 'ole US of A.

7. Do you watch MTV anymore?
No. I've haven't watched MTV since they stopped showing music videos.

8. What do you think about Oprah?
I don't. The only cool thing about Oprah is that she lives in Chicago.

10. You need a new pair of jeans: what store do you go to first?
Express.

11. Did you ever watch The O.C.?
No, I'm not a twelve year old girl.

12. What kind of car do you drive?
A POS.

13. Honestly, is that car insured?
Of course I'm insured, it's the law. The drunk asshat that hit me and made my last car a total loss did not have insurance.

14. Do you like sushi?
Love it.

15. Have you ever been to Tiffany & Co. or Saks 5th Ave?
Yes to both.

16. Did your parents spoil you growing up?
Of course.

17. Do you like roller coasters?
No way. I always think I'm going to be the "lucky" rider to go hurling off the tracks a thousand feet off the ground, ala Final Destination 3.

18. What magazine(s) do you buy regularly or subscribe to?
None now, I used to subscribe to Entertainment Weekly and Men's Health forever.

19. Do you remember the old WB show “Popular”?
What's the WB?

20. When you go out do you prefer to go to a dance club or to a bar?
Depends on my mood, I like both.

21. What do you think about gay marriage?
I believe gays deserve to be just as miserable as everyone else.

22. Who do you think will be the next president?
Obama.

23. Are you registered to vote?
Of course, I registered on my 18th birthday.

24. Do you own an iPad?
Nope.

25. Is your bathroom filled with beauty stuff?
Only when I enter it!

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Top Chef: Food Around the World

I skipped Top Chef: DC last night since Man v. Food was in Oklahoma City. It was kind of a let down, two of the restaurants that Adam visited I have never heard of! Anyhoo, I was able to catch Top Chef this morning at work online.

Quick fire: Marcus Samuelsson, winner of the last season of Top Chef: Masters is the guest judge this week. The challenge is simple, create a dish inspired by Ethiopian food. I love this challenge and I love the fact that most of the contestants don't know anything about Ethiopian food. Amanda, Angelo, and Tiffany have the top dishes with Tiffany winning.

Elimination challenge: Jose Andres helps judge dishes inspired by countries around the world. The contestants draw knives to determine what order they will pick their countries. They are required to prepare one hundred servings and they will not have access to a kitchen, meaning they will have to prepare everything in advance and serve using sterno to heat in chafing dishes. Kelly, Kevin, and Tiffany are in the top with Tiffany winning again. She also wins a ten thousand dollar bonus! Finally Stephen is sent home having the least successful dish (doing my little happy dance).

Random thoughts on the show:

Little was made of the great pea puree fiasco of last week. Fucking Bravo.

Kevin continues his yo-yo approach to cooking, going back and forth from top to bottom in challenges.

Why was everyone so afraid of being left with Brazilian food? In fact I'm surprised by their lack of knowledge in several types of food. I've eaten Brazilian, Indian, and African food several times, even here in Gooberville.

Could there be a better bottom three than Alex, Stephen, and Ed? Too bad they couldn't all go home!

Of course Angelo knows how to cook Ethiopian food! Is there anything he doesn't know or can't do. I was shocked he was able to cook anything not Asian influenced. Naturally he picked Japan for the elimination challenge.

Next week on Top Chef: restaurant wars!! Finally. Based on the preview (I know that means very little) it could be pretty ugly. Yay!

My "Bye Felicia" award this weeks goes to Stephen. The judges were correct to give him the boot for poorly cooked rice and beef. I love how he added chimichurri to a Brazilian dish too, idiot. Stephen, bye Felicia, you won't be missed.

Next chef out: if we can get rid of Alex I'll be pretty happy with the remaining contestants.

Wednesday, August 04, 2010

Bloodsucking Fiends

What's a young man from Indiana to do after he moves to San Francisco to become a writer? Fall in love with a really hot vampire of course. This is the premise of Christopher Moore's novel "Bloodsucking Fiends (A Love Story)." From the book:

"Jody never asked to become a vampire. But when she wakes up under an alley Dumpster with a badly burned arm, an aching neck, superhuman strength, and a distinctly Nosferatuan thirst, she realizes the decision has been made for her. Making the transition from the nine-to-five grind to an eternity of nocturnal prowlings is going to take some doing, however, and that's where C. Thomas Flood fits in. A would-be Kerouac from Incontinence, Indiana, Tommy (to his friends) is biding his time night-clerking and frozen-turkey bowling in a San Francisco Safeway. But all that changes when a beautiful undead redhead walks through the door... and proceeds to rock Tommy's life -- and afterlife -- in ways he never imagined possible."

I'm really not a vampire fanatic but for some reason this is the third novel on the subject I've read this year. Obviously this book is a lot lighter than "The Historian" or "Dracula." "Bloodsucking Fiends" is the first in a trilogy of books on the subject by Moore so I'm sure I've more vampires to look forward to in the near future.

A typical Moore book, different storylines with humorous writing and characters, makes for an enjoyable book. Not my favorite work of his but good nonetheless. Recommended as an easy and fun read that is easy to pick up and put back down if necessary.

Mosque Madness

Has anyone been following this story out of New York:

"New York City's Landmark Preservation Commission has voted to allow Park51, an Islamic community center often described as the 'Ground Zero mosque,' to go forward. Conservative presidential wannabes Sarah Palin and Newt Gingrich issued fiery statements in the last two weeks against the project. The Anti-Defamation League has also come out against building the Islamic center."

I'm curious what everyone thinks out there in blog land. Me, I have no problems whatsoever with an Islamic community center being built near "Ground Zero." From what I understand the center had already been in a planning phase before the attacks to the World Trade Center and even if it wasn't, who cares? I thought one of our founding principles as a country was religious freedom. Or is that freedom only extended to Christians? If a Catholic community center was being built near "Ground Zero" would anyone give two shakes of a dead rats ass?

I understand the argument that it was Islamic extremists that attacked the World Trade Center, but I don't believe those who attacked New York represent the entire Islamic world. Muslims died in the attacks of 9/11 and it wasn't just those flying the planes! Would it not be any different to try to block a National Rifle Association office near the Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City? Most members of the NRA must believe that bombing buildings and killing innocent people, including children, is correct when protecting their 2nd Amendment rights, just like Timothy McVeigh. Same argument, just switch around the players involved.

I will go so far to say, that in Oklahoma at least, I'm more terrified of organized Christians than I am of the followers of Islam here or anywhere else in the world. That's just my opinion, what's yours?

Link.

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Screw This The Revenge!


I hate this time of year in Oklahoma. It's so freaking hot it just sucks the life out of everything and everyone. Oklahoma's favorite son Will Rogers famously said, "if you don't like the weather in Oklahoma, just wait a minute." Unfortunately in August we're just waiting to see how many days above 100 we'll have. I'm so ready for fall.

Sunday, August 01, 2010

It's August!

First of all, why the hell am I up this early on a Sunday? Secondly, it's August!!

On tap this month:
  • Continue living the dream.
  • Dave Matthews with my favey Kimmy on the 14th.
  • Vegas for my dad's birthday on the 26th. I can't wait to see my bro, sister-in-law and J.

Total worthless post, right? I have to give a shout out to my readers, all two of you. Well maybe it's three now. I increased my page hits from June and I had my single biggest unique visitors day in July. Thanks for reading, whomever you all are...